A parent who refuses to listen is equally as exasperating. It is important to have a conversation and have parents listen, especially when considering a move to Senior Living.
Why Aging Parents Sometimes Struggle to Listen
Do you feel your parents are being stubborn and refusing to listen? Do suggestions and requests to keep them safe and healthy seem to fall on deaf ears? Studies reveal that nearly 80 percent of adult children feel their parents are avoiding difficult discussions.
There are many reasons why aging parents may not heed your advice or ideas. People want to maintain independence. Most seniors consider the loss of car keys, financial control, and their homes to be significant losses and signals of loss of freedom and independence. Many parents won’t listen to their children’s advice because they feel that giving in also burdens their families.
Dementia has a noticeable impact on behavior. With memory loss, your loved one may not even remember hearing suggestions. Memory loss is frustrating, particularly if a diagnosis has not been given.
1. Focus on What Matters Most
Prioritize your suggestions. Are they safety concerns, personal preferences, or minor inconveniences? Consider enlisting trusted allies—a friend, clergy member, or doctor may carry more influence than you. Sometimes, a sibling or another family member can approach the conversation more effectively.
2. Respect Their Role as Your Parent
Imagine your children treating you like a child. How would you react? Likely with frustration. Show your parents respect and honor their role in your life. Avoid being patronizing; instead, emphasize that your suggestions come from a place of care.
3. What Goes Around Comes Around
If your parent cared for their elderly parents and it was a positive experience, you may have an advantage. Many adult children feel blessed to have had the opportunity to give back to their parents by caring for them in their golden years. Remind your parents of the good feelings they felt when offering care to others. Let them know you would like to have the opportunity to give back. Help them understand that it is their turn to be cared for by others.
4. Pick Your Battles
Is the issue a significant safety concern or merely a personal preference? If it relates to safety, such as dementia or other severe conditions, intervention may be needed. But constantly disagreeing about minor things, like updating their phone, can create resistance. Focusing only on critical matters will help your parents take your concerns more seriously.
5. Take Care of Yourself
Supporting a parent who resists help can be emotionally taxing. Find an outlet—whether a support group, a close friend, or another family member—to share your feelings and regain perspective. Remember, you’re doing your best because you care.
6. Treat Them Like the Adults They Are
While it may feel as if your relationship with your parents has flipped, remember that they still value your independence and identity as adults. Rather than resorting to ultimatums or assuming control, focus on collaboration and mutual respect. Consider using “I” statements like “I’d like to support you in…” or “I’d like to suggest that we open the conversation about…” Framing suggestions as joint discussion can improve conversation quality and encourage cooperation.
7. Understand That Getting Old Can Be Hard
Aging is a complex process for everyone. Take time to understand how your parents might be feeling. Are they acting out of habit, to assert independence, or because they’re depressed or confused? Understanding their fears can help reduce negative emotions and improve communication.
How Bridge to Better Living® Can Help
Bridge to Better Living® will help you and your loved one see the amenities and services provided by each Senior Living Community. They want your move to be the last move needed. Contact Bridge to Better Living® now to schedule a consultation.